Dirty Shoes

Driving with my now 19-year-old son. Out of the blue, he grabs my hand and says, “I’m so proud of you, Mum. It must be hard knowing that no one will ever really know but us. I hope we are enough – that we know and we are proud.”

Yes my son,  it is enough. Yes, it has been hard, and no one will ever truly know what it was like for us. Yes, there has been pain, but – oh, my – has there been love! I am grateful that I have experienced more moments of triumph and love and wonder and happiness than many people will ever feel.

This moment of deep love , empathy and understanding from my son was a harvest from a season of incredible hardship.

My boys, all three are living proof that you can bear fruit in every season of your life.

Yes every season!!

This is a truth I never let go of,  even in my darkest times. I refused to accept that the dead lifeless soil I was trudging through was for no good. At times it was almost a way of just staying alive, it brought me hope to believe.  It fuelled me to continue even if ever so slowly… one foot in front of the other. It was difficult, it was slow, like moving through wet concrete.

I had to believe there was purpose. Moments would come where I’d wonder was this belief purely a placebo? Was it a story I needed to believe? But was it really true?

You may have even wondered this yourself? You might be in that place now. Trudging through what may seem to be dead compacted soil….  Soil that could not possibly produce fruit.

My friend, I urge you with all my heart to please trust me. As a friend who is coming out the other side, I want you to know the view is spectacular. The harvest from that seemingly dead soil is unbelievably plentiful and more sweet than you could ever imagine.

Please, see it through. Take my story as your hope. I know your feet are dirty and tired as you laboriously drag them. Let my truth become yours, let this truth carry you. Let this truth bring you comfort. I know you’re lonely. Let truth be your companion.

Believe me when I tell you the darkness will not last forever.

The season will change and you will feast on it’s fruit.

Despite the words spoken over me, I have triumphed. So can you. I was told I’d never get better. I was told I would be medicated for the rest of my life. I was given a life sentence of a hellish existence by doctors.

I am so excited to say today is number four. Four years Medication free. Four years without a suicidal thought. Four years without a psych hospitalisation. Four years since I regained my mind. Four years since I regained the ability to control my thoughts. So today I’m gunna be a little self centred and say how super proud I am of myself.  Because my triumph is your triumph. It’s a declaration that Yes, it is possible.  Not just for me, but for you too.

Happy anniversary to us!

Love, Meli x


” They will be standing firm like a flourishing tree planted by God’s design,                deeply rooted by the brooks of bliss,                                                                                     bearing fruit in EVERY season of their lives.”

Psalms 1:3


3 thoughts on “Dirty Shoes

  1. Such a beautiful person who would have known what you’ve been through, I’m so happy for you. Congratulations for freedom. God bless you sweetheart keep powering on.


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