The small things affect everything

 

Today I did something most of you might not see as significant enough to write about. For me though, it certainly feels worth shouting from the rooftops. For “fun” my husband (big polish alpha male, dirt bike riding, blokey bloke) and I took a yoga class. Gasp! Yeah I know, probably not the most exciting thing you’ve heard today. But for me it was bigger than just taking a class, it is symbolic of the incredibly positive turn my life has taken. In fact, I’m getting all teary thinking about it. Yes, I am slightly more of an emotion sook than most; but in this case the tears are warranted.

Today I walked out of yoga class looked at my hubby, who was a lather of sweat and slightly bewildered by what he’d just experienced. (We were both exhausted yet laughing at just how awkward our down dog, up dog and the whole kennel was.) It was in this moment though that I realised just how robbed I have been for the last 13 years; how in love I am with my husband that he would take a jolly yoga class with me and how in love I am with life that I had the strength, desire and motivation to take any sort of class. Truly miraculous. It brought to life the incredible power of ‘the small things’ and how they contaminate ‘everything.’ Having the health to go on a morning adventure with my man, where we laughed, groaned and mocked each others inflexibility was just unexplainably wonderful.

It has been a horrendously long and very traumatic thirteen year journey. This last year especially. Twelve months ago I found myself feeling that life was no longer worth living; I was constantly plagued by illness and felt that I was nothing but a burden on my loved ones. I was surrounded by a beautiful life and family, But I just couldn’t bear being unable to participate. I was at the point of ‘do or die’ and I mean literally. Fortunately I decided to DO. Doing for me started VERY SLOWLY with one small change and then another and another. For twelve months I’ve been making very conscious, sometimes risky and controversial small choices. Just one of those small things on their own probably would not have put a ripple in the mess that was my health, but I am astounded daily at the unstoppable power of all those small things put together. For me, it has mean’t reclaiming a life that doctors told me was gone forever.

For many years the most exciting my weekend adventures ever got would usually have involved coffee and cake. My husband would use berry danish and carrot cake (must have cream cheese icing or I’m going back to bed) as an enticement for me to leave the house. To now have the freedom of choice to seek new ways to enjoy time together is an incredible gift.

It amazes me, how back then without me realising it, the ‘small things’ were also affecting everything! But negatively. Twelve months ago when I began this new journey to health, I honesty could not see beyond minute to minute. I can’t explain what snapped inside me to decide enough was enough; possibly the fear of yet another new drug and it’s life altering horrible side effects or maybe it was the taste of death that spurred me on. I just knew in my gut that I could no longer continue on this pharmaceutical roller coaster.

I didn’t have a grand scheme in place or some meticulously forged out regime on how to regain my life. I made one small change and then another. I prayed hard, researched hard and gained as much knowledge as I could about each new small choice. I decided that the choices being made about my life were my choices to make, not others, so I took control; which was terrifying. It’s considerably less pressure to allow others to decide for you, when you take control it means that you are responsible and no one else. Yikes!! Completely frightening because if this fails, it’s on me and no one else.

Yeah a little confronting to say the least. No one can change my life but me! I know, I know – your probably sighing thinking – cliche cliche! But this truly dropped into my spirit. An internal voice spoke with an intensity that I could not ignore, “Meli stop waiting for someone or something to rescue you, that person is you.” This hit me like a 2B4 in the side of the head.

So I took up the challenge and began, and the next day I took up the challenge and began, and then I took up the challenge and began. It’s monotonous, repetitious and bloody hard work! Taking your health into your own hands is not for the faint hearted, don’t expect people to cheer you on or applaud your efforts for reclaiming your health – if you do you’ll be disappointed. This is your journey no one else’s. It takes time to grasp, I still find myself at times falling into the self pitying talk of “Why won’t someone help me” – “No one cares what I’m going through” – “No one knows how hard this is for me.” I have, no kidding, actually physically slapped myself across the face and replied to that pity talk with, “Yep that’s right, so pull yourself together, get over it and get on with it!”

Listen, I know I’m just telling you the common story that supposedly we all already know, “how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” I guess until you have the inner revelation of how this applies to your life, then it’s just another useless analogy. I genuinely want to encourage every single one of you to please please try and stop listening to what others dictate and start living the life you were designed to live. You can create change. Start moving forward one small choice at a time. If your moving forward your winning. There is no such thing as winning a little. Your either winning or your not. If your moving forward, no matter how ever so slowly your a winner to me! You are so much stronger and braver than you ever realised! Keep in mind – your not actually alone on this journey because although we haven’t yet met, I am cheering for you. I believe in YOU!

Buziaki,                                                                                                                                                           Meli xxx
jan 2015

 

31 thoughts on “The small things affect everything

  1. You bring me to tears Mel. I’m so glad you found that strength that I always knew you had. You’re a remarkable woman and I’m glad you finally see that. Love you longtime girlfriend! Xx

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  2. Brilliant Melly
    i have typed and deleted so many things…. there are so many things i could say
    yet somehow they dont really match up to the incredible journey you are on
    love you and encourage you to be all you were created to be 🙂

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  3. So, so very proud of you, Meli. You’re one of the bravest, determined people I’ve ever known. Keep going, sweet one! You’re a true champion.

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  4. Thank you Melissa for sharing. Your words have hit home for me. I am also at a point where i have been challenged to stop allowing others (ie bullies) affect my decisions and direction. I am solely in charge of where I want to go and the character of person I want to be. But its taking a deliberate decision each day to change the way I think and feel and not to get bogged down by the speed (or lack of it!) that its taking to get where I want to be and goals I want to achieve. You are inspirational. 😆

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    1. Megan, I’m bundling up a bunch of kisses and sending them your way! Hold your head high girlfriend for loving yourself enough to not let others dump on you! Keep up the great work – I love how if given the chance we can inspire each other! Thank you also for sharing! Big love. x

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  5. Meli you are so wonderful! This blog is so well written and I love your vulnerability. You an inspiration to so many people and it personally reminds me to stop whinging and get on with it. (P.S I love this photo of you too!!) xx

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  6. So amazing so glad youve put in the hard work and can now enjoy life so much more. Amazing how unbearable our lives have to become sometimes before we’ll act. Made my eyes mist over reading xx your hubby sounds amazing too

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  7. We might not see each other but I’m always inspired hearing your story and what you are up to on FB. You are truly inspirational and so excited by what your transparency will do for others. You have found what the meaning of life is right there. Cheering you on.

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    1. Oh Sonya, having you on my cheer squad means the world. Your heart has always been so ready to love, encourage and serve. To finally get to the purpose in the pain is an incredible feeling and one that I did not anticipate at all!! The love and support I’ve received has just blown me away, I never dreamed of it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. x

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  8. Mel, your heart is so big and beautiful that it shines through in everything….keep writing, keep fighting, keep searching – the best is yet to come honey xxx

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    1. Wyndy……PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP! Breakthrough might be just around the corner. It didn’t come quickly for me either and I still have days I wonder. I know you can do this! Know that the bad days will get fewer and those lies in your head will eventually lose their power – because you are stronger! Listen to the truth and that is that you were created for a purpose! Sending you the biggest hug x

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  9. You are amazing Lady you don’t know me but I am Russell Wrights mother and a friend of Therese Mulherran ,I have had Fibrmyalga I B S Entersial Cytisis Cronic Fatique for a lot of years ,and you are can do it ,but with a good husband that understands and God with you is how you get through .much love and blessings .a

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  10. I knew when I met you at the breakfast a few months back that you were one special lady. I connected with you. Hope to see you at another one.

    Jo
    BSG

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  11. Hi Mel, long time no see. You are amazing! I love and admire you, and that awesome family of yours! My boy is back on the Coast, so let us know when you have some spare coins and maybe we can do coffee and lots of laughter!? JanX

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  12. Can not believe I am only just reading this. I feel like I am living your life, Thankyou for sharing your story, I look forward to reading every, single, blog you write.

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